i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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