So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
