someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
