Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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