I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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