What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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