it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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