i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
