Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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