Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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