she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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