I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
