When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize