Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize