My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
