Fuck appropriateness.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
sex in a hospital.. check
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
