it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
