is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
