That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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