i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
