dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
