I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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