Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize