There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You are a genius and a whore.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
