Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
