Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
