It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
