The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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