Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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