Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
