Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
