Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let's get the cat blown out
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
