During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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