i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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