I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
