It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
