You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
