Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
