so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
