I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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