i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
