whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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