And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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