I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
