He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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