Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
