What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
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