Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
