I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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