Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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