so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
