This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize