I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize