At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
