Yo dont text me then not text me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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