This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize