I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
