nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
