Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize