I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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