her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
