The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
