i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
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