He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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