Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
