white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize