I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
