can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
