Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
