a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
