At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
