my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Found your dick twin last night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
