'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
