Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
