I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
