The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
