guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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