I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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