dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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