Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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