There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize