i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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