we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize