I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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