Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
