well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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