it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
