How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Green mimosas i think yes
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
