I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize