Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
