I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
