She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So vagazzling was a success
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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