Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
