he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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