Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
