So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
