Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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