this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
