good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize