I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
