we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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